*This post contains affiliate links. Please review the full affiliate disclosure for more information.*
Have you found yourself in a situation where you said, “Life sucks right now.”? Have you looked into how to deal with unfairness in life? You’re not alone. Many people go through these situations, and it’s a part of living life.
How to deal with unfairness: How to accept life is unfair
As I discussed in a previous post, my cousin and her fiance postponed their wedding last month until next year due to COVID-19 concerns. It sucks for them that they have to wait longer for a formal celebration. But it is what is, and they probably made the right decision to hold off on the wedding.
Also, I talked about how both of them dealt with unfairness in their own lives. Sure, unfairness is a normal part of life. The world we live in is not a perfect place. There will be chaos and events that are completely out of our control. In the meantime, each one of us needs to learn how to deal with those unfortunate situations.
As for myself, life has been unfair at times. I’ve had my fair share Instead of complaining about a bunch of problems, I wanted to learn about ways to cope with unfairness. Luckily, there are many ways to deal with it in general.
In this post, I’m going to layout 10 points to dealing with unfairness in life. I’m going to break it down into three sections, which includes the following:
- Self-evaluating your situation
- Taking action
- Accepting unfairness as part of living life
Self-evaluate your situation
How to deal with unfairness
1. Determine what you can and cannot control
An important thing to learn about living life is knowing what you can and cannot control. Unfortunately, you can’t control every outcome or situation in your favor. That’s not how the world works, and it’s impossible. There will be some things that will seem unfair, but you won’t have control over them.
I think of it as internal and external factors. External factors may include getting diagnosed with cancer, or which political candidate will win an election. Others may include freak accidents or being a victim of a crime. These events most likely will be out of your control, leaving you not much to change the outcomes.
On the other hand, an internal factor includes your behavior, which you can control. The decisions you make (what to eat, what to wear, where to go shopping) are things you are responsible for in the end. A common example would be getting into a car accident, in the event you were texting and driving when it happened. Anyone can control their behavior, so they are much more responsible for their decisions.
2. Take responsibility for your actions
Oftentimes, you’ll need to take responsibility for the decisions you make. If you took action, that’s a step in the right direction. Now if it resulted in a bad outcome, you may be held responsible for the actions you made before it happens. In this case, admit that it may have come due to a lack of preparation.
A typical example would be taking a school exam, and you earned a “D” on the written exam. You can easily admit that you didn’t study enough for the exam. It could be due to a lack of preparation. Either way, make sure to take responsibility and hold yourself accountable.
3. Think rationally before acting
Before making some decisions, make sure you think it over carefully. In situations you might get upset, you want to think rationally before a decision is made. If you feel that someone treated you unfairly, you may not want to lash out at them right away. The situation can turn for the worse, and you don’t want to create division in these types of scenarios.
If there’s someone at work you don’t get along with, you don’t want to send the wrong message. If they got a promotion and you’re not thrilled about it, don’t send them an email explaining why they don’t deserve it.
Or if you’re cut-off by someone while driving, don’t get too aggressive with that person. It may be hard to not do it, but this scenario can result in a bad accident. It’s not necessary to do something that you’ll regret later down the road.
So take a couple of deep breaths, relax, and think over your thoughts before making a decision. You don’t want to make one that’ll cost you something bigger at some point.
4. Talk to others involved (diplomacy and negotiation)
If you find yourself in a situation involving another individual, make sure to talk to them. When conflicts arise, sometimes it’s best to not remain silent. If you do, that can cause concerns with others if you’re not talking to them often. Instead of yelling or initiating aggression on them, make sure to use diplomacy and negotiation skills.
This example may not be the best one to explain. But if your child was caught smoking with their friends, you’ll want to discuss this issue with them. Instead of yelling at your child saying, “Smoking is bad for you! Why did you do it?”, take it to another route.
Sit down with your child and ask why they’re smoking. From that point, discuss the cons and the consequences involving smoking. To wrap up, if they get caught again, then let them know there will be some small consequences (i.e. not going out with their friends).
5. Change your behavior
It’s easy to know that our actions and results can make life unfair sometimes. If the results turn out not to be the way you desire, it’s time to make some changes.
For instance, if you ended a friendship with somebody who talked behind your back (and you did the same thing), maybe it’s not a good idea to do it again. Especially if it’s losing a close friend, it could be something you regret later on. So instead of doing the same thing, try to look at it another way.
6. Seek support from others you know
Talking to others you know can help work out some of your problems. Whether that’s a relative, friend, or co-worker, sharing your concerns can be a good way to cope with unfairness in life. Your relative or friend may have a similar situation you’re in. If they’ve dealt with it before, they can easily relate to your situation. Also, it can help you gain perspective from someone who’s been through it before.
Accept unfairness as part of life
7. Ditch the victim mentality
A victim mentality means when someone immediately blames others for the problems they find themselves in. Whenever something bad happens, that person will look to other people as the cause of their problems. It’s an easy way for someone to not take responsibility for their actions.
When this happens, a pattern of negative thoughts rolls in. A person may often complain and not look at the positive outcomes. If you have a victim mentality, try to look at the positive things that have happened so far. For example, what are some things that have gone well for you today? What can make your day not as bad?
Up until a year ago, I didn’t realize I had a victim mentality early on. In one of my first jobs, I thought all of the problems that happened at work were management’s fault. It was their responsibility to handle or avoid these problems, and they needed to be held accountable.
Looking back, I believe I had the wrong thinking at the time. Instead, maybe I was partly responsible as well. You can’t blame one person for multiple problems. All of us had some responsibility for what goes on at work. Since then, I’ve ditched that mentality and looked in the opposite direction.
8. Say no to obsessive thinking
Related to negative thinking, you must not overthink some things. Obsessive thinking can be bad enough, let alone mental and physical health problems. So when life feels unfair, take a couple of deep breaths and think of something completely different. A great example could be practicing meditation daily. It can help you relax and clear your mind when necessary.
9. Change gratitude
It’s very easy to get caught up in negative thinking patterns. Especially when situations don’t work out for you, it can be toxic sometimes. Instead of going down this deep hole, practice being grateful for the things you already have. Either way, what you have now may be better than having nothing at all.
For instance, if you did not get the dream job you want, be grateful for the current job you still have. You might not like the job you have now, but it’s better than nothing. Would you rather have income, or no income for a long, uncertain period?
Or something more relatable can be not traveling abroad. I had some relatives who planned on going to Italy last spring (2020). But due to COVID-19 travel restrictions, they had to cancel their trip.
It sucked for them, but something like that happening was unexpected at the time. Instead of taking a trip to another country, maybe go out of town for one weekend camping out in the woods.
10. Change your mindset
Mindset can play a major role in how you live your life. There are things you may not be able to control or change, but you can learn how to react to them. You are powerless regarding what happens around the world, and there’s not much you can do about it alone. When things don’t always work out as intended, try to look at positive approaches.
For example, if you’ve been diagnosed with diabetes, don’t think to yourself it’s the end-all-be-all. Instead, look at the positives such as eating healthier and living a better lifestyle. Or if you didn’t get the job you wanted, think of the good things about staying at your current job. As I mentioned earlier, you may hate your job right now. However, there may be little bright spots about staying put on the job a little longer.
Dealing with unfairness in life is not a new phenomenon. Even going back to the dawn of time, life was not easy for our early ancestors. Go ask them back then and they may tell us how life was unfair for them. Luckily, times have changed and it’s far much better now than it was hundreds of years ago.
Unfairness in life is normal, and something that every single person will encounter in life. By knowing how to cope with it, it’ll be easier to address challenges that come up from time to time. The approaches laid out earlier are great reminders of how we can create more meaningful lives.
Or as I would like to say, living life to the fullest. You never know where your greatest potential lies ahead, and where it can take you in life. So make sure to take advantage of it.
Do you feel life has been unfair to you lately? Which of the approaches do you like the most?
Are there other ways to deal with unfairness that was not mentioned in the post?
Leave a comment below and please share this post with others.
Need Someone To Talk To? Get The Help You Deserve.
Spread the word to others. Sharing is caring!